First News

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then it exploded. Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once ate at Taco Bell and didn’t get diarrhea.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Bigfoot claims he once saw Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital. When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed. Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person. Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can speak Braille. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

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